The Glorious Wonders of Crack

"The Glorious Wonders of Crack" is the sixteenth track from Inception of Perfection.

Story
"The Glorious Wonders of Crack" details an "average day" for Peteorite, who is portrayed here as an unashamed crack addict. The verses describe his outrageous antics and seemingly impossible feats when intoxicated, which range from harmless to homicidal, with the music of each verse growing in volume to reflect his increasing insanity. In the choruses, he mentions the effects that his addiction has had, including becoming an insomniac and gaining bulletproof skin. Between the second chorus and third verse, he panics as he apparently runs out of crack, but discovers more and begins "round two". The track ends with him discovering that his "second round" of crack is actually gunpowder, resulting in a sudden explosion that possibly kills him.

Lyrics
I bet you're wondering what I do on an average day Well, let me tell you exactly what's going to happen today I'm gonna Smash some eggs, break some legs, drink six-hundred-and-ninety kegs Slap a fish, eat radish, start a war with the Spanish Burn a tree, fight a bee, defenestrate a three-foot hippie Invent a dance, fly to France, kill a goat with a single glance This won't even be an exciting day I'm gonna crush Santa with his own sleigh Don't fuck with me or I'll snap your back Oh the glorious wonders of crack Buy a boat, swing a stoat, make a friend, then slit his throat Challenge a cat to combat, ruin my neighbour's thermostat Build a trap, rape a chap, commit murder with a jockstrap Jump in a bog, crush a bullfrog, drown a bum in tonnes of eggnog The things you do when intoxicated It could be worse, I could be constipated I'm a diagnosed pyromaniac Oh the glorious wonders of crack It's been a month since I've had any sleep My house is full of hundreds of sheep I'm constantly looking for a plane to hijack Oh the glorious wonders of crack Oh God, I've not ran out of crack have I? Oh no, it's okay, round two! Spin a tramp, steal a lamp, squash some balls with a mighty clamp Commit arson, take an orphan, massacre a village with a shotgun Ride some narwhals, jump off waterfalls, learn martial arts and throw some fireballs Revive Hitler, use some myrrh and rule the world as leader My blood pressure is through the roof And my skin's become near bulletproof I've fucking wrecked my cul-de-sac Oh the glorious wonders of crack Life cannot be fun when you're just sober In fact, now I'm quite the philosopher For the hell of it I might start taking smack Oh the glorious wonders of crack Wait a minute, this isn't crack! This is gunpow--

Personnel

 * Peteorite – vocals, writer, programming

Trivia

 * Length: 2:23
 * The section where the narrator runs out of crack was originally an intervention where Marko Marko and Neil Beforeme speak to Peteorite about his addiction, which ended in the other two asking him for some crack for themselves (a reference to Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues). The original track ended with all three caught in the explosion.